The Long Defeat

So I'm finding out that I'm something of a hero junky. I can't get enough. If someone is out there sacrificing themselves for the good of others, fighting for those who cannot fight for themselves, I want to know about it. I want to read their book. I want to hear their story. I want to join their cause. I want to be a part of it. All too often i let life get in my way and rationalize my way out of following my heart but every once in a while my heart will win.

I have been listening to a lot of Sara Groves lately. (link on the right) And I feel like she really gets this idea in her songs. She was talking on the Relevant Podcast about this doctor who is working to eradicate TB in Haiti. He is one of the most respceted and sought-after doctors in his field in the world but he will spend days at a time trekking through the jungles and mountains to go check on one patient who hasn't been in to pick up his meds in ahwile. He was asked if this was worth it, for him, being as important as he is, to use his time for this one person. In repsonse he speaks of the Long Defeat, a quote/idea from Lord of the Rings. He says that of course he wants to win but that he will lose if winning means turning his back on the loser. He is a hero! She connects him to Frodo who sets off on a journey to save his world with little hope of success and the near certainty that he will never return but he MUST go! And then there is our Hero, Jesus who surely "entered into the long defeat for me..." abandoning all, to walk a long and lonely road for me.

All this to say that I can feel confident in being a hero junky. It doesn't come from a desire for fame and praise but from a desire to be like my Jesus! He has been my rescuer, I in turn want to rescue. He has loved me, I in turn MUST love!

The Long Defeat by Sara Groves
I have joined the long defeat
the falling set in motion
and all my strength and energy
raindrops in the ocean
And I pray for an idea
and a way I cannot see
I'ts too heavy to carry
and impossible to leave
I can't just fight when I think I'll win
that's the end of all belief
and nothing has provoked it more
than a possible defeat
chorus
So conditioned for the win
to sharing victors' stories
but in the place of ambitions din
I have heard of other glories
chorus
We walk a while, we sit and rest
we lay it on the altar
I won't pretend to know what's next
But what I have I've offered
chorus

Sorry this is all thoughtful and internal stuff but I'm really feeling it right now. Quickly though, the English school starts on Wednesday. I have six students and I'm super nervous/excited. It turns out my last words on the previous post were a little psychic... I ended up sliding all over the road on the way home last time and falling big time in the mud! haha....I'll try to post again soon! And a new computer is soon on it's way so soon I'll be able to post photos again....